The Escape

26th February 2012

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hell on earth

I found out today that im selfish. By found out I mean some ome that i have given love time and money to yelled at me because i texted some thing she didnt like to her. well what ever u cant make every one happy. thats why my life is hell and something have to give. i cant go to school, work and have jenny not in daycare… and even if i do get daycare i have one one to wacth her when i work… then there the matter of paying all this on to of bills.. not to make it any easyer i get yalled at every min and if i say anything back then im a bitch with an attiude… then i may as will put my thing on the street myself. sometime i question why i put myself throu all of this. why do i get up every day and and do these thing that make me so unhappy? Why dont i just cut my rist or overdose or put a gun to my head.

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18th December 2011

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Its Time

I have been holding on to the past for sometime now, and i feel i must let go of this. Of him. Its been a good 3 years but we are not ment to be no matter how amazing we seem on paper. I feel as if a major part of me has been stolen from me and i will never get it back. It hurt to the point of death. I have lost everything i thought i ever wanted, and i have not one i trust to tell. Its as if I been pull in to a world with people that caint hear me and im screeming for help but no one ever comes. But i know what i got to do; be a women an face life.

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22nd November 2011

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The burden free, lovely advertises times.

I cried today. Not out of sorrow, but of regret. Let me explain; through out my childhood one of my only desires was to grow up. I wanted to reach the point in life where I was reliable for myself, and to not have a person commanding me. I wanted to be on my own experiencing life in way my parents could never understand. At that’s what I thought at that time. I also felt that they were setting rules to restrain better yet to imprison me. I could not… or should I say would not face the fact that they knew better then what I thought I knew. It was not until my second year of high school did I realize that I would be taking orders from someone for the rest of my life. But never mind that back why I wept.  I was in such a rush to age that I did not saver the little thing that could never be recaptured. Thing such as; recess, field days, the smell and feel of sitting on the black top waiting for school to begin, or coming home to a grilled cheese sandwich and hot cocoa on a rainy day and the reality that my biggest fret was school work. But most of all the fact that I did not have the reasonability’s of the world weighing upon my shoulders. I was foolish and I didn’t fully comprehend what I was hankering. I would give any thing to go back and relive that time. The burden free, lovely advertises times.  

                                                                                           By Olivia B

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21st November 2011

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Longing for you…

I am a true romantic. I miss the feel of someone next to me and not just someone Im having meaningless sex with and i dont even know there name. I mean I would be ok with having sex with a person that lease care for me enought to respect. But what I really am yearning is a mate that I could share my life experiences with. I am emoisonally and physically craving his touch, voice, smell, kiss, and more. I want to be able to share my joy as well as my pain with him. They say great thing come to those who wait, but it feels as if I have been waiting a life time. Right now I may just have what Im looking for living millions of miles away but u can never trully have some thing that u can’t hold in your arms at night.

                                                                                                 By Olivia B

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19th November 2011

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mixed emotions

Im so lost. We devoited three years of our life to working on our relationship…. friendship… whatever we, u, or anyone else want to call it. Right now we are millions of miles away and we both agreed that we will not take our relationship next level because of this fact. So I recken that I shouldn’t mind when he calls his exgirl friend babe and states that he loves her on his facebook. And yes I know it is childish, so I don’t confront him. On the other hand, it may just be me and my ways. See when I really like someone I try not to say anything that Im not sure how they will react or that may vex them. But as of the the pass few weeks to a month I have became unsure my position in his life. However I almost did not notice us growing apart from each other because, I have been preoccupied getting to know this guy. I once perceive him as a major ass.. He proved to be a wonderful gift from god. At the same time a male that I thought would never harm me puts his hands on me. What I find funny thou is that the guy I love wasn’t the one to make me feel better. My new found friend and god was the only things that stop me from thinking it was my fault. This guy is truly amazing on soo many levels. Too much is going on at one time. It all is just so baffling. 

                                                                                         By Olivia B 

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